A Very Late Update : May 2015

Was it really only two years ago when I was approaching my return flight to Boise with such anxious feelings? Has it really been eight months since I left Boise to return to Wedel? Is time really a thing or just a ridiculous concept that should be ignored? I find myself asking these questions constantly as I watch the days fly past me with speed and ambition to slip past my fingers without even noticing. With the summer months approaching (um next week is already June??) I'm becoming more and more excited for my fully booked rest of the year.
So where to begin with updates?
Let's see...
Well in March, I began my internship at the Leibniz Privat Schule in Elmshorn, and I'm having an absolute blast working there. I have my own desk and set of keys and am substitute/student teacher for the 1st-4th grades (grundschule). This has been a really amazing environment for to test out the waters of being a teacher, and all I can say is that I'm more than ready and more than excited to start my studies, so I can have my own classroom ASAP!! I love the work I'm doing there everyday, and some really special opportunities are arising, such as the week long trip to England I get to go on with the 4th graders!!!
Next thing thats been an important pinpoint lately is running! Next weekend I'm running 10 kilometers in Wedels annual Krankenhaus Förderlauf, and I'm really stoked! Its so special to be in the best shape of my life and to feel healthy. I just got done running eight today, so hopefully I can fit some smaller runs in this week before Sunday!
University will be starting at the beginning of August after a two week vacation in Dennmark! I have to pass one more German test in July and then I have secured my spot there! Wish me luck!

So past all the important points and events that are currently taking place, I'll charge each of you a penny for my thoughts. I really am proud of myself. I have a long way to go, but I've made leaps and bounds of improvement in the last eight months that I didn't know I was capable of. The first thing anyone asks me when they first get to know me is how I do it. How can I live 5000 miles away from everything and everyone I've ever known? And the answer is fairly simple. You won't learn anything new or meet new people if you don't take giant risks. If someone had told my 16 year old self that this is where I would be at with my twenty years if age, I would've laughed and told them its impossible. I thought I'd never make it out of Boise, let alone the country. I knew all that was in store for my future was a lot of college debt.
If I hadn't gotten onto that plane almost three years ago... If I had never met the Kless family... I really can't promise where I would be right now. My life so far has had many cross roads that could've ended me up in terrible places, but for some reason the starts aligned with my courage to put me right here. Klar, I miss my family very immensely. I dream about them constantly and its a daily fight to not drop everything and move back to Boise... But focusing on myself is the most important thing I need to do right now. Despite the pangs of heimweh (home pain = home sickness), I feel good about myself. I know I'm doing the right thing. And its gratifying to feel so accomplished but also have so many goals in front of me.
I can only say thanks to my familys and friends so many times, but here it goes once again. Without the ever constant support of the Klass family, the Tanners, the Fullers, my teachers and coworkers, and my buds from school, I wouldn't be here. And since this is the only place I want to be right now, I thank you all for helping me be the best Torey I can be.
*insert cheesey tears and a big hug and kiss for all of you out there right here*

PHOTO UPPDDAAATE!

 This spring has already been mostly spent on the beach, and the summer won't be any different! Im so excited!

 Hey big news and shout to my host mom Katja! She now is working in her own practice one day a week as a Natropathist (Heilpraktik) which means she is using natural practices to help people become more healthy! This includes ear acupuncture, blood infusions, and chiropractic care! If you are in Wedel or Hamburg and you want to stop smoking, lose weight, or help stop that back pain, shoot me a message and I'll direct you there! Here's her website! http://www.kless-heilpraktik.de/ im really proud of her!
 Here we are at the zoo!!! I got to see elephants for the first time in my life and plus got to feed them carrots, was totally awesome.

 Arthos looking like the wild beast he is after we almost died trying to get through the marshes.

 YEEAHH feeding elephants!

 And I got to hang out with some goats at the zoo.

 My little brother Tommy and I at the last basketball game of the season for the SC Rist Wedel! We lost, but they still had a great season!

 Supposed to be paired with the Arthos picture above... Our boots after fighting through the sinking mud of doom (was sunk in up to my waist and thought I was going to die there)

 But thankfully we lived.

 Cool ships and boats that pass by us on the Elbe daily :)

 And some pretty cool sunsets to top it off!

This last weekend, our very good friends and now former neighbors moved! Tommy and I had the best job of working this life to bring the heavy things out from the second story of the house, we rocked it!

I'll try my best to keep updating my blog, but maybe its a good thing I don't have enough time to get around to it more often ;)

Ain't it Fun?

Hello one and all who still find my blog interesting!
In just about one week, I will have been living in Germany for exactly six months! Thats half a year! Ohmygosh, if you ever want to find out just how fast time can fly, move abroad and stress yourself out unnecessarily!
The last two months have been deal breaker months for me. I had been so lazy since September that I got very sad about missing Boise and for a few days, really just wanted to give up on everything here. Throw my hands up in the air and tell BSU I actually do want to go to their school for tens of thousands of dollars a year.
Thankfully, I'm very fortunate and lucky to have two families who love and care for me....enough to also kick me in the butt a little bit. I had been very lazy... and after deciding to stay in Germany and work through the crap I got myself into, things started to look up. Not all at once, and certainly not without a lot of self-frustration and last minute pulling stuff togetherness.
Yet, today I feel the happiest I ever have with what I plan and am doing with my life.
Currently I'm starting a practical internship at a private bilingual school, which will turn into a paid internship in May. My first three days have gone amazingly, and being a student teacher is amazing.... I'm finally in the setting I want to be in, helping children, and having a great time watching and learning.
And today a very important acceptance letter came to me which will be a deciding factor on my entrance to the university for August, so things are slowly showing themselves to be worth it.
I'm happy.
Sure I miss Boise like hell... but for the first time in a very long time (or ever?) I feel like I belong. I'm not worried or stressed about my future or what may or may not happen. I'm happy with what is all going on around me, thankful for the stress, and thankful to be busy.
Most of all, I'm thankful for the people who are supporting me. I feel so blessed to be able to say I'm part of the Kless family, and proud to say that I'm a Tanner as well.
For the first time, I don't have to say "I don't know where I'm going but thats ok". I can actually say very proudly and happily that I do know where I'm going. My goals have been set in motion and even if plans change (which they will) I'm still ready for whatever comes at me next.

And now for some pictures!!!! I don't think I've posted pictures since my ski vacation! So we"ll start there!

 These are all out of order but who cares!!! Here is me and my best friend/brother/the guy I spend the most time with, Tom Kless!!

 Is it a weird color? Its not supposed to be........ but here's a great pic from skiing!

 And New Years Eve! Only seems like yesterday, but here we are with March already....

 New Years Ever in the bar with my main buds!

 Of course, my favorite selfie of 2014

 Austria was so gorgeous, I feel so lucky to have had the chance to go there a second time! The weather was great and the snow was awesome!

 Katja and I being the cuties at the top of the world!!!

 And the view from our apartment (which was right next to the ski lift as well, awesome)

 The other day, a very wonderful mom who I babysit for brought me some Reese's!! It was amazing and made my day perfect.

 A few weeks ago I got to go bouldering at a rad complex here in Hamburg. There was no harnesses or anything involved, everything was focused around bouldering, and it was super fun!!!

  This picture says a lot that I can't tell with words or unfortunately other pictures. Last week was my last week volunteering as a practical intern at a bilingual day care here in Wedel. I was there for only two months, but I enjoyed those two months so much and I really felt at home with all the co-workers and children and on my last day they prepared some really special things for me! I will never forget my time there, and I hope all works out well with them!!

Okay, I end here now with the wise words of NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS because you can do iiiiiitttttt!!!!!!

*****hugs and kisses to everyone i miss and happy birthday mom and dad and ian!!!!*****

If I could fit it all into a title, I would

I'm not even sure when the last time I posted was...
Probably around October, which, believe it or not, was almost four months ago. Yup, I've been in Germany for five months now... which is basically half a year.
I can't explain how it feels to be here. But what I can explain is how frustrated I am with myself.
I knew I wanted to come back to Germany to study ever since I jumped off the plane in Boise a year and a half ago. Sure I considered college in America, but after breaking down in the middle of a U of I meet and greet, I knew Germany was my only option. Now, if I had been smart or cared about myself, I would've started putting all my stuff for the University together when I was still in America.
I could've retaken the SAT... taken Chemistry and finished Pre-Calc...
I could've found out and done SO MANY THINGS that would've made my life SO MUCH EASIER. But for some stupid reason, I told myself I'd figure it all out when I got here.
Well... for some stupid reason, when I got here, I figured I'd put it all together once the new year started.
And now.
Now I'm just realizing that I can't study right away, there are language tests I should've taken months ago, and LIFE DOESN'T JUST THROW ITSELF TOGETHER, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, PUT SOME EFFORT IN.
...
If you can't tell already, I've been really kicking myself in the butt. I have now learned the lesson of being PRO ACTIVE about the things you want in life.
And now, because I didn't look up all this information ONE WHOLE YEAR AGO, I get to do it all last second and cross my fingers that this works out.
I am not proud of myself for all of this, and I'm not trying to complain in a way that sounds like "oh poor me, I didn't do all of this stuff and now it sucks", I'm trying to yell at myself like "you can do better, get your act together now!"
My first reaction when this all blew up in my face was to go home. Throw my hands up in the air, give myself the excuse that it was too hard for me, and go home. Reapply to BSU and start my cores.
But thankfully with the support of my two families, it was made obvious to me that that was the reaction of a fool.
I'm here in Germany because its my dream. And on top of that, becoming a teacher is my dream.
Life moves on... and life won't stop moving on ever, which means I have to pick up my pity party and move on.
I'm still really angry with myself... But I'll get there. I'll make it. Some way, some how...
anyways, that was a quick Torey-update for you.

In other news, I've been volunteering at a bilingual day care since the beginning of the year, which has been a really great experience for me, and I start another unpaid internship at a private bilingual school in March (which will hopefully turn into a paid internship by May).
I also ran about six kilometers today, which is pretty amazing to me. That I'm at least proud of.

I love everyone who supports me, and I can only thank the Kless Family and the Tanner Family a billion times for always being there for me.
I wish everyone a late Happy New Years!
And I hope the Spring comes soon for all

Nov./ Dec. Picture Post!!!! Merry Weichnachten!!!

 My November December picture post! To start off, I got to see my lovely Elliese again and we spent the day messing around in Hamburg and eating Kasebrodtchens and loving life, it was pretty fantastic! Glad she is doing so well here :)

 The weather has recently been nothing but rain, clouds and fog.... Which can be a little depressing from time to time, but I love it so much, I'm thankful that I can be outside every day!

 Birthday time! My birthday was about a month ago, so this post is a little late, but ohmygosh I'm 20 years old?!?!? Thats way too old in my opinion, but ok.... I accept it kind of.

It feels really great telling people that I'm 20 years old and having them size me up as if I'm lying about my age or something...
Thanks again to all my neighbors and family who came over and celebrated with me!

 Quick pick of the Toddy man and I on my birthday morning!

 And my present that I got from Tommy and Katja which is a super awesome Advents Kalendar!

Gorgeous blick of the Elbe after a wonderful breakfast with family and friends on St. Nicholas Day!
Quick lesson! St. Nick day is celebrated on the sixth of December and tradition is is that you clean your shoes, put them outside, and in the morning theres candy and awesome stuff in them!
Woo!

 And the christmas tree is up!! Its so much fun to put up the tree with friends and family, two weekends ago we had a tree warming party and got this sucker up! It looks great!

 Random picture of the sun being awesome after five days of rain.

 And the Hamburg Weinachtsmarkt! If you want to do Christmas anywhere, do it in Germany! Christmas markets are the bomb and Hamburg's is one of the best! One of my good friends from Boise High, Deana Jackson, spent a few hours with me in Hamburg checking out almost everything there is to see in Hamburg. It was wonderful to see her and to be reminded that Boise does exsist and I'm not crazy.

We had a really gorgeous evening, had some crepes, drank some awesome Christmas alcoholic drinks (Gluhwein, which the bomb I can't really explain what it is, but its simply the most amazing winter drink ever).

Quick update, I was able to visit my first kindergarten (which actually means daycare, the grade of kindergarten doesn't really exsist in the school system) today to see if I would like to do an internship, which I would love to! I had a wonderful time with the kids, and it was great to feel like I was working again. I have another kindergarten that I'll be checking out in January thats bilingual, which is hopefully also going to be an awesome experience.
Excited for christmas and the ski vacation! Glad that things are slowly but surely coming together and before I know it, I'll be studying!!!
I wish everyone an awesome Christmas and a good slide into the New Year!

Becoming Fluent Plus My Dritte Monat

Almost 90 days since I've gotten here and its strange that I have no return date to count forwards to...
Now that I've just devoured a giant chocolate santa, plus three of his tiny santa friends, I'm ready to give an account of third month here in Wedel.
Germany is and forever will be my home. I can hardly remember two years ago when it was all so new and strange to me, how exhausting it was to only have a basic grasp on the language and the awkward social interactions I encountered on a day to day basis.
In terms of language skills and social interactions, being and living my life in the German language has become instinct. Sure, I stumble through more complicated sentences, especially grammar wise, but for the most part, understanding German has finally been bumped up to a level where its not really understanding it, its just simply speaking. I can't really describe this strange phenomenon of learning a second language outside of your childhood and finally, after five years of studying the language, one and a half of which you were living in a country were it was spoken, you finally feel like you can tell people that you're fluent. I could only wish that everyone would be able to experience such a wonderful feeling, but it takes so much time and dedication if you don't have any background experience with the language. I feel blessed to have the opportunity to really study German in Germany and blessed for all the people who have made it happen :)
While my German skills are great, I'm positive that searching for a job where I'm teaching or working in English is going to be the best fit. Its literally my number one skill at the moment, which is sad because I know my sentence structure has gotten really funky since I got back to Germany. Next week I'm going to shadow in a preschool to see if its right for me, and the bilingual school that my little host brother attends is interested in having me do an internship with their younger classes. Job and study opportunities are so exciting, I can't handle the wait period for these things. After working forty hours a week all summer in Boise, not having a job is so incredibly frustrating. But I have to be patient. The winter has really been getting me down and I am constantly reminding myself that everything will come together...
I really don't have too much to say. Life here is as normal as life in the Kless house could be, which is totally not normal at all, but I love it. The challenges of life as direct and raw which is always good for life lessons and practices.
I'm excited for Christmas, but mostly excited for the ski vacation happening right afterwards!!
Along with the Christmas season (which is really the bomb diggity in Germany, I highly suggest Christmas Markets and the whole shabang if you're ever in Europe) comes a little bit of Heimweh, or homesickness. I just mostly miss my family, aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins all included. My love goes out to all of them and I hope its an awesome Christmas!
Three weeks ago was my birthday which means I'm now two decades old which is really a strange feeling. Thanks to the Kless family, the Tanner family, and all my friends and neighbors for making it an awesome birthday!!
Pictures of my last month shall be included in the next post!

Picture post! October and November!

 If you love dogs, then you've come to the right blog because I can promise that half of my pictures on my phone are of this gorgeous guy!

Spent some much needed girl time with the one and only Linda!

 The Fall Market in Bremen! This was an excellent day! We drove the two hours to Bremen, hung out with my awesome host Grandm, Oma Ute, and visited the gigantic market there! It was tons of fun. Fun fact that everyone knows, you can drive as fast as you want on the autobahn! On the drive back, I'm sure we were going about 120 mph the whole way and honestly thats scary I can't stand it but ok Germans, you win.

 From the top of the ferris wheel!

 Rad mushroom in my front yard!

 I got to spend an hour on the beach with a profressional photographer/family friend who wanted to take pictures of Arthos! I also got a few not so professional photos in :)

They turned out so well!

Katja, Oma, and Toddy man! Sorry my pictures got a little messed up.... working from a tablet is always fun.

 And last but not least, I've been doing a lot of running and biking, and the fall has been so gorgeous this year, I'm often stopping to get a quick snap of the wonderland I'm lucky enough to experience everyday.

Two Months Plus MY BIRTHDAY?!?!?!

Two months is such a strange amount of time. Its as if I never left Germany.... But did I just get here? Who am I? Am I really turning 20 in a few days? The big two zero? Two decades of the world being blessed with my presence?
Is it really November? Is it really almost 2015? I find that it is often I'm asking myself these questions while time keeps on ticking forward without giving a damn about what I think of it. I'm not sure of the exact details about how time works, but what I do know is that its unforgiving, whether you chose to be hurt by it or not. Its probably the one variable we don't have control over in our lives.

Things, like always, have slowly been pulling together with grace and a lot of patience. I'm currently enrolled in a German class at the local community center which will add to my University language requirements when I apply in July. As of two weeks ago, I decided that I want to become a teacher. The idea has always been in the back of my head, but I never thought that I would pursue it... But it was the first thing that jumped out of my mouth when I finally asked myself to make a final decision. Not that a final decision was needed, but I was sick of not feeling like I had a plan. So I made one...
I'll start school next October, studying English and (insert other subject here... I'm thinking math) and in four years I'll have my bachelors degree, and two years after that, a masters in teaching those two subjects!

It feels wonderful to have a plan. To have all the papers in front of me and to feel ready to start this whole process of my career. Yet, on the other hand, the idea of the next seven years of my life dedicated to this city and country feels overwhelming. I knew from the beginning that this is what I want, but its always overwhelming... And sometimes it crushes me and sometimes the feeling pushes me to do better. I know once school starts I'll feel more secure and comfortable about it, but until I get accepted, I feel like I'm free falling. And sometimes that's what living is all about. Taking chances that you aren't %100 sure about. Nothing worth it is just going to happen with a snap... working towards this will be worth it whether its right for me or not...

Sorry for the mental blurb, I've been mulling this over way too often lately, but it feels nice to have it out of my head and on your screens. Lucky you, you get a personal look into Torey's life and thoughts!
I get to see Elliese again tomorrow! That's always a breath of fresh air to be with another Boiseian, makes me feel like I'm not the only strange half-hodunky person in Deutschland.

Just a quick shout out thanks to the Kless family, without them, I'm not quite sure where I would be. I love them so dearly...
And another big shout out hugs and kisses to my family in Boise!!! I'm so jealous of all the snow! Thank you guys for also being so supportive and lovely! I miss you all terribly!
I wish everyone a special November and stay warm!!!!!!!!!
PS CHECK OUT MY NEXT POST WITH PICTURES ATTACHED! SORRY THAT THE WHOLE BLOG IS IN BOLD SCRIPT.