I'm not even sure when the last time I posted was...
Probably around October, which, believe it or not, was almost four months ago. Yup, I've been in Germany for five months now... which is basically half a year.
I can't explain how it feels to be here. But what I can explain is how frustrated I am with myself.
I knew I wanted to come back to Germany to study ever since I jumped off the plane in Boise a year and a half ago. Sure I considered college in America, but after breaking down in the middle of a U of I meet and greet, I knew Germany was my only option. Now, if I had been smart or cared about myself, I would've started putting all my stuff for the University together when I was still in America.
I could've retaken the SAT... taken Chemistry and finished Pre-Calc...
I could've found out and done SO MANY THINGS that would've made my life SO MUCH EASIER. But for some stupid reason, I told myself I'd figure it all out when I got here.
Well... for some stupid reason, when I got here, I figured I'd put it all together once the new year started.
And now.
Now I'm just realizing that I can't study right away, there are language tests I should've taken months ago, and LIFE DOESN'T JUST THROW ITSELF TOGETHER, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, PUT SOME EFFORT IN.
...
If you can't tell already, I've been really kicking myself in the butt. I have now learned the lesson of being PRO ACTIVE about the things you want in life.
And now, because I didn't look up all this information ONE WHOLE YEAR AGO, I get to do it all last second and cross my fingers that this works out.
I am not proud of myself for all of this, and I'm not trying to complain in a way that sounds like "oh poor me, I didn't do all of this stuff and now it sucks", I'm trying to yell at myself like "you can do better, get your act together now!"
My first reaction when this all blew up in my face was to go home. Throw my hands up in the air, give myself the excuse that it was too hard for me, and go home. Reapply to BSU and start my cores.
But thankfully with the support of my two families, it was made obvious to me that that was the reaction of a fool.
I'm here in Germany because its my dream. And on top of that, becoming a teacher is my dream.
Life moves on... and life won't stop moving on ever, which means I have to pick up my pity party and move on.
I'm still really angry with myself... But I'll get there. I'll make it. Some way, some how...
anyways, that was a quick Torey-update for you.
In other news, I've been volunteering at a bilingual day care since the beginning of the year, which has been a really great experience for me, and I start another unpaid internship at a private bilingual school in March (which will hopefully turn into a paid internship by May).
I also ran about six kilometers today, which is pretty amazing to me. That I'm at least proud of.
I love everyone who supports me, and I can only thank the Kless Family and the Tanner Family a billion times for always being there for me.
I wish everyone a late Happy New Years!
And I hope the Spring comes soon for all
